On being rebuilt

You know those days when your head is filled with all sorts of negative nonsensical thoughts, and you know you SHOULD NOT entertain them. However, they find a way to creep back in, or you let them back in. Well today was definitely one of those days.

Because of that, or insert whatever excuse sounds good to you, I was super edgy with My husband. I kept on, keeping on, with my attitude. All the way unto the last chore of the day which was mopping the whole house. 

I got my headphones in, and I'm untouchable.  

I start in the kitchen and I'm all mad and bitter because I find some crumbs on the floor. Mind you, my honey so graciously switches off with me with bathing the kids, as well as helping me sweep...along with a long list of other things he helps me with, but I don't want to list them all because I'll lose all credibility as a wife! 

So I start this really great dialogue in my head about how he doesn't sweep correctly, and oh, he didn't pick up that toy and on and on...pretty terrible! Ungrateful wife that I am, I began talking to The Lord about it and feeling sorry for myself, when the Spirit whispered:

It's not his job to build the home, it's yours.

Que, que??? (Say what) *English translation

So I'm floored and ashamed and automatically feel remorse. Total, "girl, get your life" moment! Why don't I want to submit to my place in the home as homemaker? Why am I constantly making excuses as to why I can't or don't want to do something? Why would I rather do anthing than house WORK?

Could it be my perspective has been off? Could it be He needs to rebuild me in this area? Is He exposing my wicked heart, piece by piece? Yes, yes, and yes. You see, He is the potter, and I am just the clay.  When He sees an area in me that is marred, He has all the skills needed to fix it. This area has needed fixing for a while, but I didn't want to allow Him any work space. 

This may not be the area of struggle for you, nonetheless, He desires to rebuild us all individually. And because He formed each of us and knows us inside and out, His Spirit will bring to light areas that need to be tore down and rebuilt by Him. 

I would love to wake up tomorrow and not struggle in this area any longer, however if I don't, my prayer will be for a new perspective in this area, asking Him to rebuild me, and for forgiveness. 

Who knows, one day I might hear God call me his little Mrs. Clean...let's not get crazy now!  I do want to hear Him, above all else, call me His servant as He says, "Well done good and faithful servant, enter into your rest!"

In Him,

 

Darla

“I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love.
    With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.
4 I will rebuild you, my virgin Israel.
    You will again be happy"

Jeremiah 31:3-4 NLT 

On love

Lately, Anna aka "the conch" has really been driving me crazy...she's been needy and clingy...and as I type this I feel so guilty, but she really has. I'm human, I'm real. I'm not a perfect mother.

Today was rough. I got home from book club, and she was all drama queen status! Crying and whining. I made her fideo and a quesadilla, and she was flipping out about it being hot. I got up, took her out of her high chair, and carried her to the room for a nap. As I walked to the room, I heard the Holy Spirit whisper to hold her, she's not feeling well. 

I held her close for a bit, then instead of putting her in her crib, we laid on Luke's bed, and I began to stroke her hair.  She adjusted herself to try and find her oh so cozy spot.  First, she threw her arm on me, then pulled her face closer to mine. She was literally cheek to cheek with me, until finally her head was on mine.  

Mind you, I'm thinking seriously, your head is literally on mine. I mean, how is that even comfortable? 

Then the still small voice spoke again,

"All she wants is love."

Man, how could I get it so wrong.  I allow myself to get frustrated and annoyed at her so often and usually too quickly. Why? Because it's easier to! It's harder and takes more effort to love. 

Love is patient...boom...fail

Love is kind...sometimes

Love never fails...umm I think we know the answer to that one.

Anyways, I don't know if this makes sense or if you can relate, but I just had to write. I'm a mother, on a journey, learning to love her children. I know I should have this natural motherly affection and instinct, but honestly, sometimes I don't. But sometimes, I do. Maybe I'm dwelling too much on what I lack instead of all I have. Who knows! I just want to be better. I want to grow and recognize my weaknesses. After all, when we are weak, He is strong. Right? Right! 

Love you all,

Darla