On being a good mother

Yesterday afternoon Anna began to vomit numerously into the evening. Then, in the middle of the night Luke woke up coughing and proceeded to vomit through the night. So basically I had two sick, needy, and clingy babies and very little sleep.  Sound familiar?

Being a mother is hard. Wait, let me rephrase! Being a GOOD mother is hard! It literally takes every fiber within you and forces you to surrender all to these little sinners in training! I had been struggling on contentment in the home, and today I finally had a revalation! 

Anna had just woken from her nap, and she was hungry as always. So I put her in her high chair and began to scoop some steamed rice into her lil pink plastic bowl. As I was walking toward her, it dawned to me that I was serving her...like a waitress, like a servant. Then The Lord connected the dots! I have had a hard time with being home, because I was now called to literally serve my children. To wake up and feed them, change them, love on them, listen to them, talk to them, play with them, serve them, teach them, them, them, them! Darla in the flesh is all about serving myself! Take care of number one! 

It all makes sense now! The battle is dying to myself. Working diligently in my lil quiet home with just my two babies where there is no applause, no pats on the back, no raises, and basically no audience but my littles. It is not about working hard for the show of it, now it's about working hard with integrity of the calling of being a godly mother. Now that I have the right perspective, I am so pumped to start afresh! For His mercies are new Every morning! (Lamentations 3:23) I am so inspired by Job, who faithfully got up early to make sacrifices for each of his children. Who regularly interceded for his children with no witness but The Lord! Not looking for the title or recognition of Father of the year! 

So why die to self for our children? Because in doing so we are learning what Christ lived: Service, humility, integrity, and selfless love! 

Sending love to all the mommas out there! 

Darla

Such a great quote! I promise I found it after I typed the blog.

True that!

Nothin like the WORD

On Choices

I love resting in God's presence.  There is no other place where I can be complete and whole!  I love that worship woos us to a tender place of awe and surrender.  I love that when I worship, I get a glimpse of what heaven will be like. My heart longs to attend the biggest night of worship ever!  I love that when I come to Jesus humbled, broken, empty, longing, and desperate, He immediately reaches down and listens to my cries.  

May I encourage us all to choose Jesus first and foremost above everything else. May we recognize how desperate we are without HIM. May we stop fighting, ignoring, and simply disobeying him.  May we truly just choose surrender.    

I know it is the hardest thing ever.  But we need it.  Surrender is for our own good.  Our lives are not our own; remember we were bought with a price.  So why would we try and keep our lives from the one who bought us with His own blood?  I can just see us holding on to it like Gollum repeating my precious!!!  I know...I did this for many years.  Believe me when I say life has been so much more exciting now that I have finally let go.  

So what am I saying?  God is and has been undoubtably speaking to your heart on one issue or another.  Lately for me it has been on laziness and being content in my home.  I have a choice to continue to be lazy and miserable at home, which will affect my husband and children, (OR) I can choose to surrender my will for HIS.  That is it...simply a choice.  So what will you choose?

Love you all,

darla

Ugh, so over myself!

I am the epitome of  "whah whah" Christian! Tonight, at church, we watched a film on human trafficking, and I was so convicted. Here I am, throwing a pity party for one, and there are countless women being forced into sex slavery.  Lord, forgive me for looking at myself and my miniscule woes.  During one portion of the movie, involving the little girls in Cambodia being pimped out by their parents, I was ready to call Frank and tell him to start packing, because we are moving to Cambodia! Extreme! However, at the end of the movie, the call to prayer was implored! That is when I had the light bulb moment. I am a  stay at home mom with two littles...I can pray!  I can pray for our officials to enforce stronger laws.  I can pray for laborors to be sent out to minister to these innocent girls. I can pray for their freedom and salvation! I can pray for the women here in Mallorca...I can and will Pray! Why not join me?

In Him,
Darla

When things are hard

Life is hard, right? But at times, it can be especially hard! Almost unbearably hard! Sometimes you want to curl up in the fetal position and just escape it all.  

Life can be like the hill by our lil place. This hill is the hill of death!! I mean you get to the top and you are winded and can’t breath; you got the full heart palpitations, can’t talk, can’t think kind of winded! My first time going up was brutal.  I had to stop and take mini breaks. When I reached the top, I looked down and never wanted to climb the hill ever again! BUT, that gargantuan hill is the quickest way to get to our church.  It also leads you right to our lil neighborhood market called BIP. True, it may be a killer hill, but it also is essential for reaching vital destinations.

Isn’t life the same way at times!  We are faced with this killer trial, and we are like drowning and crying out for help.  What we often (I) fail to realize is these difficult sometimes agonizing trials are essential for building our character and ultimately drawing us closer to HIM. When we feel like we can’t take anymore and like we are dying inside...we kind of are.  That part of our character that is being stretched is actually being molded and exchanged for His glory.  The old self is being killed and we are given a new character.  However great this process is for us, it hurts and it is hard.   

Currently, I feel like God is taking every area of my personality and has just capsized my lil cute sailboat called life.  I used to work full time as a teacher, now I am a full time stay at home mommy.  I was incredibly social, now not so much.  I was so independent, now I have to constantly be asking people for help.  I was an excellent *wink wink* driver, now I am asking God for mercy every time I drive the kids to the market in our lil stick shift fiesta.  The list goes on and on!  The point I am trying to make is, I had to get to a point where I just had to stop fighting all the change and just surrender.  I had to accept the fact that my children will always be with me.  I had to accept the fact that life is not all about having fun with other people, rather I have to create fun for my littles.  Working at home...WOW! It’s no joke! I have to embrace and love my lil home. I have to accept Change! I have to choose to walk up the hill! However, I do not have to do any of this alone.  On the contrary, Jesus has been by my side, in my thoughts, and in my heart every step of the way!

Please believe me when I say I have not arrived to the point of full acceptance, but I am gradually getting closer! Every day that I choose to be content with the new me, I take a step closer. And even on those days when I am kicking and screaming inside, I am so blessed to have Frank to remind me and encourage me with All that God has done! I am reminded of a verse in Jeremiah 4:4:

“O people of Judah and Jerusalem, surrender your pride and power. Change your hearts before the Lord, or my anger will burn like an unquenchable fire because of all your sins.”

I HOPE TO ALWAYS CHOOSE SURRENDER! I hope to see the killer hill and say, “ok Lord, let’s do this!”  I hope to be like Christ when He prayed, “Not my will but yours be done.”  I hope to one day embrace the hard times knowing that Christ is with me every step of the way. Who knows, one day I may even be able to run up the hill with ease!

In Him,Darleen

On Loneliness:

Have you ever been in a crowded room and felt utterly alone?  Feeling close but so far from people all around you. Wishing someone would just touch your soul and give you comfort that only CHRIST can give.  Well, I have a confession.  I am lonely.  I have been lonely for a while now.  

Living on an island, serving the Lord full-time, spouse and two gorgeous children, and a new loving church family, how could I possibly be lonely.  You see, I miss my family.  I grew up in a typical Hispanic home where EVERYONE is in everyone’s business.  Mom, dad, Eta, and three sisters, I always had someone within reach.  Now, I feel as if the cord had been cut.  I thought I was independent, and if you ask my family they will say I was always doing my own thing, but the cord to my heart was still attached.  No longer.

My day to day life is exciting and vibrant.  The Lord is moving and stretching me.  My husband and I have been challenged and experienced victories on the daily, but I no longer am surrounded by my family to share it all with. Facetime calls are inadequate. They help, but cannot replace sitting down at the table talking, laughing, crying, and sharing.

 Reality is life goes on.  My families world did not end when I left.  No, they continue to move forward as they should.  My life did not end.  Rather, it became crammed with full-time mommy duties.  

Nevertheless, in my loneliness, sadness, and pain I heard a whisper, “I am here.” My heart shuddered!  He is here.  The voice continued, “I want to be your friend.” I lost it.  How could I be so blind.  My Jesus has been with me this whole time.  I was not alone.  How could I be when He promised me, “He will never leave me or forsake me?”  

I am learning to share my day with my Savior.  He loves me so much and died so that we could be together forever.  How could I not be His friend?  Yes, He took me away from it all, so He could woo me. He has drawn me to a place of absolute dependence on Him.  Funny thing is, I would not have it any other way.  He alone is all I need. 

 Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness. And he was called the friend of God. James 2:23

I want the same to be said about me. That I was called His friend!

In Him,

Darla

My heart is full...

7, May 2013

One word to sum up my present state: Thankful.  God has really been so good to us out here.  What have I needed that my God has not provided.  What question have I asked that He has not answered.  God is so faithful.  Today we received a care package from my dear Friend!  Opening it up was like opening up a box of love.  I sat and just felt the love she poured out into the package overflow to me.  I kept thinking, I do not deserve this kind of affection.  Who am I? Nothing.  But God is faithful.  Through Him I can accept and embrace all the blessings He is choosing to pour out.  So I just want to say Thank you Lord.  You are my song...You are my all in all. 

1 Chronicles 16:34

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.

In Him,

Darla

For my Anna Evangeline

A letter to my daughter:

On the eve of your first birthday, I wanted to take a moment and write you a note that will last a lifetime.  My darling child, if I could only express how much joy you have brought into my heart.  Your birth was the dawn of a new life. A life full of dresses, dolls, and pink! A life where gentleness and love take on a whole new meaning.  A life where your sensitive heart and spirit would be soft clay in our hands.  You have so much life and determination in you.  My prayer for you is that you would ALWAYS embrace who you were created to be.  What are your interests and dreams? Pursue them! What are your fears? Give them to JESUS! OH, that you would know and LOVE your Savior so PASSIONATELY!
Oh, that he would fill your heart so, to overflow.  He made you special and unique for a very important reason.  He wants/desires to use you for His glory.  Know that HE chose your father and I to be your parents. Yes, we will fail you :( and we might even hurt your little heart.  We are not perfect.  I am so sorry my child.  But we are frail humans, and we need Jesus too! You see, if we were perfect, then you would have no need for Jesus! My precious daughter, my hope for you is that you would enjoy life.  Laugh often.  See your mistakes as learning opportunities.  IF you fall down, get back up quickly.  Don't wallow in your pain.  Allow Jesus to comfort you.  Give your scars to HIM! Try and see each new day as a fresh start.  For, "His mercies are new every morning." He is FAITHFUL! Don't be afraid to take risks.  How else will you know how strong you are.  See the world with optimism.  Life is too short to have a negative outlook.  Take time to talk to people.  Really talk to them. LISTEN. Listen. Listen to others.  "Be slow to speak and quick to listen." Above all, LOVE others.  God loves them.  He sees each and every one of us as a great TREASURE.  Even when it's hard. Just love.  So my sweet, beautiful girl, please try to always remember how much I LOVE YOU! I know there will be days when you may feel like I do not. Probably when I say no. But please know that I do. Always have, and I ALWAYS WILL!

YOUR LOVING MOMMA

"For you are a HOLY people to the Lord, your God, and the Lord has chosen you to be a SPECIAL people for himself.  A special TREASURE above all people who are on the earth" Deut. 7:6

April 15, 2013

Mallorca

Hello all!

This is my first blog from Mallorca, Spain.  So much has happened in the last few weeks...Where do I begin?  God is Faithful.  He hears and answers even the smallest of prayers.  I was so worried about how Luke was going to react on the flight (we had four layovers...which means we had to take off and land four times!!!!)  If you didn't know, Luke is high functioning autistic and has speech delay. He usually flips out with loud noises and chaos, so as you can imagine I was worried.  I began to pray for him and introduce the concept of the airport to prepare him.  He absolutely loved the flight.  He sat by the window and stared out the whole time.  My heart was overwhelmed at how well he did.  Frank and I, on the other hand, were exhausted by the time we landed in Mallorca.

We were greeted by the pastor's wife Loretta and an intern named Abby who were waiting at the airport for us.  Our six huge luggage's, three carry-ons, three backpacks, double stroller, and five of us all fit in their two tiny european cars.  That was a miracle in itself.

They drove us to our new little apartment which was filled with groceries and a homemade dinner.  From that moment on...our new life in Mallorca began.  This new life, is a life of COMPLETE dependence upon God.  We no longer are in control of our days.  We are not in control of our finances.  (we are being supported) We are not in control of our surroundings; it is all new to us.  Even going to the store was an ordeal because we both did not know how to operate a stick shift.

However, like I mentioned before God is Faithful!  He really is.  How can I describe how he has met all of our needs.  We were given a car, high chair, crib, and clothes.  We found car seats, a stroller, a baby bathtub, and toys at the boot sale (imagine a HUGE swap meet!) Just today we found a play kitchen for Luke and Anna at the boot sale for only four euros.  He really is so Good.

Frank and I are being blessed by the body here.  They are really showering us with God's love.  We really did leave one loving family to come to another one.

As I was online last night, I came across another missionary wife's blog.  She was sharing how her family was being called to Bolivia.  Her circumstances are completely different than mine. But I was able to relate to all that she was feeling as she was preparing to go.  Here I am, on an island, with pretty modern technology still feeling weak and insufficient.  She on the other hand would be destined to a jungle atmosphere feeling the same way.  The unifying thread was the call to go, the obedience to obey, the sacrifice of material possession's, and the pain of being broken.

I will not lie.  It has been hard. I miss my family and homeland.  BUT, as I surrender my sadness to my Lord, He continually replaces it with peace.  He is speaking to me so powerfully about trust.  I thought I trusted God, but He has shown me I have to trust him in what I see as empty circumstances because then He has freedom to do what HE wants to do!  He is taking us step by step and holding my weak hand though I tend to pull my hand away.  He so patiently waits for me to grasp hold of his again.

But Jesus spoke to them at once. “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “Take courage. I am here!^[b]” Matt. 14:27

I know Jesus is here, in Mallorca, with us.  

In Him,
Darleen

Our Fiesta!

Update

God is so faithful!  Great things He has done! He alone will receive the glory, honor, and praise.  God is beginning a new work, and we are so excited to be on this journey with Him and following His lead.  Our plane tickets have been purchased with a departure date of March 4, 2013.  This is where we have been and our present state:

7We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure.b This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. 8We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. 9We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.10Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.

Not our will but Yours be done Lord.  Although we are awaiting our visas approval, we know that He who began a good work will be faithful to complete it.

Please pray; no really pray.  God is doing a work.