On love

Lately, Anna aka "the conch" has really been driving me crazy...she's been needy and clingy...and as I type this I feel so guilty, but she really has. I'm human, I'm real. I'm not a perfect mother.

Today was rough. I got home from book club, and she was all drama queen status! Crying and whining. I made her fideo and a quesadilla, and she was flipping out about it being hot. I got up, took her out of her high chair, and carried her to the room for a nap. As I walked to the room, I heard the Holy Spirit whisper to hold her, she's not feeling well. 

I held her close for a bit, then instead of putting her in her crib, we laid on Luke's bed, and I began to stroke her hair.  She adjusted herself to try and find her oh so cozy spot.  First, she threw her arm on me, then pulled her face closer to mine. She was literally cheek to cheek with me, until finally her head was on mine.  

Mind you, I'm thinking seriously, your head is literally on mine. I mean, how is that even comfortable? 

Then the still small voice spoke again,

"All she wants is love."

Man, how could I get it so wrong.  I allow myself to get frustrated and annoyed at her so often and usually too quickly. Why? Because it's easier to! It's harder and takes more effort to love. 

Love is patient...boom...fail

Love is kind...sometimes

Love never fails...umm I think we know the answer to that one.

Anyways, I don't know if this makes sense or if you can relate, but I just had to write. I'm a mother, on a journey, learning to love her children. I know I should have this natural motherly affection and instinct, but honestly, sometimes I don't. But sometimes, I do. Maybe I'm dwelling too much on what I lack instead of all I have. Who knows! I just want to be better. I want to grow and recognize my weaknesses. After all, when we are weak, He is strong. Right? Right! 

Love you all,

Darla