On being rebuilt

You know those days when your head is filled with all sorts of negative nonsensical thoughts, and you know you SHOULD NOT entertain them. However, they find a way to creep back in, or you let them back in. Well today was definitely one of those days.

Because of that, or insert whatever excuse sounds good to you, I was super edgy with My husband. I kept on, keeping on, with my attitude. All the way unto the last chore of the day which was mopping the whole house. 

I got my headphones in, and I'm untouchable.  

I start in the kitchen and I'm all mad and bitter because I find some crumbs on the floor. Mind you, my honey so graciously switches off with me with bathing the kids, as well as helping me sweep...along with a long list of other things he helps me with, but I don't want to list them all because I'll lose all credibility as a wife! 

So I start this really great dialogue in my head about how he doesn't sweep correctly, and oh, he didn't pick up that toy and on and on...pretty terrible! Ungrateful wife that I am, I began talking to The Lord about it and feeling sorry for myself, when the Spirit whispered:

It's not his job to build the home, it's yours.

Que, que??? (Say what) *English translation

So I'm floored and ashamed and automatically feel remorse. Total, "girl, get your life" moment! Why don't I want to submit to my place in the home as homemaker? Why am I constantly making excuses as to why I can't or don't want to do something? Why would I rather do anthing than house WORK?

Could it be my perspective has been off? Could it be He needs to rebuild me in this area? Is He exposing my wicked heart, piece by piece? Yes, yes, and yes. You see, He is the potter, and I am just the clay.  When He sees an area in me that is marred, He has all the skills needed to fix it. This area has needed fixing for a while, but I didn't want to allow Him any work space. 

This may not be the area of struggle for you, nonetheless, He desires to rebuild us all individually. And because He formed each of us and knows us inside and out, His Spirit will bring to light areas that need to be tore down and rebuilt by Him. 

I would love to wake up tomorrow and not struggle in this area any longer, however if I don't, my prayer will be for a new perspective in this area, asking Him to rebuild me, and for forgiveness. 

Who knows, one day I might hear God call me his little Mrs. Clean...let's not get crazy now!  I do want to hear Him, above all else, call me His servant as He says, "Well done good and faithful servant, enter into your rest!"

In Him,

 

Darla

“I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love.
    With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.
4 I will rebuild you, my virgin Israel.
    You will again be happy"

Jeremiah 31:3-4 NLT 

On love

Lately, Anna aka "the conch" has really been driving me crazy...she's been needy and clingy...and as I type this I feel so guilty, but she really has. I'm human, I'm real. I'm not a perfect mother.

Today was rough. I got home from book club, and she was all drama queen status! Crying and whining. I made her fideo and a quesadilla, and she was flipping out about it being hot. I got up, took her out of her high chair, and carried her to the room for a nap. As I walked to the room, I heard the Holy Spirit whisper to hold her, she's not feeling well. 

I held her close for a bit, then instead of putting her in her crib, we laid on Luke's bed, and I began to stroke her hair.  She adjusted herself to try and find her oh so cozy spot.  First, she threw her arm on me, then pulled her face closer to mine. She was literally cheek to cheek with me, until finally her head was on mine.  

Mind you, I'm thinking seriously, your head is literally on mine. I mean, how is that even comfortable? 

Then the still small voice spoke again,

"All she wants is love."

Man, how could I get it so wrong.  I allow myself to get frustrated and annoyed at her so often and usually too quickly. Why? Because it's easier to! It's harder and takes more effort to love. 

Love is patient...boom...fail

Love is kind...sometimes

Love never fails...umm I think we know the answer to that one.

Anyways, I don't know if this makes sense or if you can relate, but I just had to write. I'm a mother, on a journey, learning to love her children. I know I should have this natural motherly affection and instinct, but honestly, sometimes I don't. But sometimes, I do. Maybe I'm dwelling too much on what I lack instead of all I have. Who knows! I just want to be better. I want to grow and recognize my weaknesses. After all, when we are weak, He is strong. Right? Right! 

Love you all,

Darla

A year ago...

But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one

God is FAITHFUL.

He promised He would take care of us, and He has.

He promised to never leave us or forsake us, and HE has NOT!

He broke us.  We fought. HE won.

I wasted so much time feeling sorry for myself in depression. The joy of the Lord became my strength.

I complained. I was not content.  He was enough.

HE IS ENOUGH.

For a year we have lived in a new land.  A strange land. A different land. A beautiful land.

For a year we have learned that comfort is only truly found in The Word, in HIM.

We have longed for our families. Cried... Cried in silence as we spoke, looking at them but not being able to touch or feel their presence.  But you know what, God filled every void in our hearts.

To our families and care team:
THANK YOU.  Your faithfulness to support us in the call has been an anchor.  You have blessed us beyond measure.

All I want to say is Thank YOU LORD.
"You have called us higher, YOU have called us deeper, and WE will GO where YOU lead us LORD."
We love you Lord.
We are wholly yours.

Know therefore that the LORD your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations.

Deuteronomy 7:9

 in-flight selfie

 at the airport in Zurich 

 first day at church

  our one bedroom apt. for 3 months

 In Israel

 My 30th birthday

 Christmas

 Nichole and Anour's wedding

 In Croatia

 After church fun

 Luke and Annie's room

 In Soller

May we follow you all the days of our lives. 

On comfort

I am about to share something that may be horrific and grotesque to some of my readers.  You may never look at me the same way, want to unfriend me, or spread gossip all around the hood about me.  

However, some of you may relate.  You may even do the laugh of recognition, because you have the same struggle.  

None the less, I am compelled to share.

I am a creature of comfort.  What's the big deal? Right? Am I right?  Well, so much so, that some mornings I lag it on taking a shower until 12 noon…this is where the judgement may be kicking in. I love being in my comfy pjs and robe.  Crazy hair don't care. Slippers and coffee.  Ugh, I absolutely adore it. 

The problem is, my lack of a shower, affects my mood.  I get all moody and almost feel dirty.  I don't want to do anything. I often shy away from reading my Word.  Dishes pile up.  Kids running round jumping on the sofas.  I'm comfortable though.  

THEN…

Frank comes home... and cue Vador's theme song:  Dum dum dum, dum de dum, dum de dum….Oh SNAP!  I haven't showered!!!

You see, the other day I had an epiphany, a sudden manifestation.  While in the shower…I was thinking, Why do I fight taking a shower? When I am in it, I'm loving it.  I feel refreshed, and my mind feels sharper, and it's almost like I've been awakened.

So my epiphany was, I hate the transition from comfy to water.  There is a brief moment when you are exposed and are cold and vulnerable.  But then…there is the warmth that rains over you, and you are at ease again.  The water running over you, cleansing you, comforting you, and reviving you.

That is when the Holy Spirit whispered, This is what my WORD will do for you EVERY time you read it.  Ohhh!!  That is why we need the Word.  That is what is does for us.  It cleanses us.  It revives our spirits and our minds.  

That moment of exposure is what keeps some of us from the word.  We know what the Bible says, yet we know how we have been living.  We are exposed and are afraid that the Sword might pierce us, convict us, and we are not about that life.  We want to continue to be comfortable with the way we are living.  We want to be comfortable in our compromises. 

The problem becomes we choose comfort over being clean.  We rush past the mirror, because we know when we look in it we may not like what we see.  Or we prefer to mask ourselves as we are looking in.  The Bible says in the book of James chapter 1:

22 But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. 23 For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. 24 You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. 25 But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.

The word is vital in the life of a believer.  Every morning, we have the chance to read it and receive instruction and cleansing.  His word sets us FREE.  Free from the filth that the world throws at us and the filth that we pick up ourselves.  I mean, how many times do we wash our hands in a day.  Why? Our hands get nasty.  Well imagine the condition of our hearts and minds if we did not wash them clean.  If we added a smell to filth in our hearts and minds, how many of us would still have friends or people who would want to be around us.  Then there is the other extreme that might be overly clean.  They might end up not living life or missing out because they are too scared to get a spec of dirt on them. (I am being hyperbolic here).

We need to be clean. I need to be clean. Whether we want to or not.  IT is GOOD for us and for those around us.

With all my love,

Darla

On being a good mother

Yesterday afternoon Anna began to vomit numerously into the evening. Then, in the middle of the night Luke woke up coughing and proceeded to vomit through the night. So basically I had two sick, needy, and clingy babies and very little sleep.  Sound familiar?

Being a mother is hard. Wait, let me rephrase! Being a GOOD mother is hard! It literally takes every fiber within you and forces you to surrender all to these little sinners in training! I had been struggling on contentment in the home, and today I finally had a revalation! 

Anna had just woken from her nap, and she was hungry as always. So I put her in her high chair and began to scoop some steamed rice into her lil pink plastic bowl. As I was walking toward her, it dawned to me that I was serving her...like a waitress, like a servant. Then The Lord connected the dots! I have had a hard time with being home, because I was now called to literally serve my children. To wake up and feed them, change them, love on them, listen to them, talk to them, play with them, serve them, teach them, them, them, them! Darla in the flesh is all about serving myself! Take care of number one! 

It all makes sense now! The battle is dying to myself. Working diligently in my lil quiet home with just my two babies where there is no applause, no pats on the back, no raises, and basically no audience but my littles. It is not about working hard for the show of it, now it's about working hard with integrity of the calling of being a godly mother. Now that I have the right perspective, I am so pumped to start afresh! For His mercies are new Every morning! (Lamentations 3:23) I am so inspired by Job, who faithfully got up early to make sacrifices for each of his children. Who regularly interceded for his children with no witness but The Lord! Not looking for the title or recognition of Father of the year! 

So why die to self for our children? Because in doing so we are learning what Christ lived: Service, humility, integrity, and selfless love! 

Sending love to all the mommas out there! 

Darla

Such a great quote! I promise I found it after I typed the blog.

True that!

Nothin like the WORD

On Choices

I love resting in God's presence.  There is no other place where I can be complete and whole!  I love that worship woos us to a tender place of awe and surrender.  I love that when I worship, I get a glimpse of what heaven will be like. My heart longs to attend the biggest night of worship ever!  I love that when I come to Jesus humbled, broken, empty, longing, and desperate, He immediately reaches down and listens to my cries.  

May I encourage us all to choose Jesus first and foremost above everything else. May we recognize how desperate we are without HIM. May we stop fighting, ignoring, and simply disobeying him.  May we truly just choose surrender.    

I know it is the hardest thing ever.  But we need it.  Surrender is for our own good.  Our lives are not our own; remember we were bought with a price.  So why would we try and keep our lives from the one who bought us with His own blood?  I can just see us holding on to it like Gollum repeating my precious!!!  I know...I did this for many years.  Believe me when I say life has been so much more exciting now that I have finally let go.  

So what am I saying?  God is and has been undoubtably speaking to your heart on one issue or another.  Lately for me it has been on laziness and being content in my home.  I have a choice to continue to be lazy and miserable at home, which will affect my husband and children, (OR) I can choose to surrender my will for HIS.  That is it...simply a choice.  So what will you choose?

Love you all,

darla

Ugh, so over myself!

I am the epitome of  "whah whah" Christian! Tonight, at church, we watched a film on human trafficking, and I was so convicted. Here I am, throwing a pity party for one, and there are countless women being forced into sex slavery.  Lord, forgive me for looking at myself and my miniscule woes.  During one portion of the movie, involving the little girls in Cambodia being pimped out by their parents, I was ready to call Frank and tell him to start packing, because we are moving to Cambodia! Extreme! However, at the end of the movie, the call to prayer was implored! That is when I had the light bulb moment. I am a  stay at home mom with two littles...I can pray!  I can pray for our officials to enforce stronger laws.  I can pray for laborors to be sent out to minister to these innocent girls. I can pray for their freedom and salvation! I can pray for the women here in Mallorca...I can and will Pray! Why not join me?

In Him,
Darla